其雨其雨,杲杲出日

4.24

翻到自己之前写的漂亮句子:

诶,不知道为什么,天一广场在我心里一直是锃亮簇新的存在,一晃也有这么多年了。相似的是宁波地铁,在我家门口的二号线说是18年通车,突然发现18年也是近在眼前了。

这时候觉得时光是一列行进在隧道里的车,当真是非常恰当的比喻。要吟一句诗的话,大约是“只缘身在此山中”吧。

===艾老师读诗===

江路西南,归流东北骛。
天际识归舟,云中辨江树。
旅思倦摇摇,孤游昔已屡。
既欢怀禄情,复协沧洲趣。
嚣尘自兹隔,赏心于此遇。
虽无玄豹姿,终隐南山雾。

【谢朓·之宣城出新林浦向板桥】

【永:长,e.g., 江之永矣;沧州:滨水的地方。古时常用以称隐士的居处。】

其一

风卷江湖雨暗村,四山声作海涛翻。
溪柴火软蛮毡暖,我与狸奴不出门。

其二
僵卧孤村不自哀,尚思为国戍轮台。
夜阑卧听风吹雨,铁马冰河入梦来。 [1] [2-3]

【陆游·十一月四日风雨大作】好像课本里学过第二首,没想到和第一首是一套。

===艾老师读random古文:金石录后续===

居乡里十年,仰取俯拾,衣食有余。连守两郡,竭其俸入,以事铅椠。每获一书,即同共勘校,整集签题。得书、画、彝、鼎,亦摩玩舒卷,指摘疵病,夜尽一烛为。故能纸札精致,字画完整,冠诸收书家。余性偶强记,每饭罢,坐归来堂烹茶,指堆积书史,言某事在某书、某卷、第几叶、第几行,以中否角胜负,为饮茶先后。中即举杯大笑,至茶倾覆怀中,反不得饮而起。甘心老是乡矣。故虽处忧患困穷,而志不屈。收书既成,归来堂起书库,大橱簿甲乙,置书册。如要讲读,即请钥上簿,关出卷帙。或少损污,必惩责揩完涂改,不复向时之坦夷也。是欲求适意,而反取憀憟。余性不,始谋食去重肉,衣去重采,首无明珠、翠羽之饰,室无涂金、刺绣之具。遇书史百家,字不刓缺,本不讹谬者,市之,储作副本。自来家传周易、左氏传,故两家者流,文字最备。于是几案罗列,枕席枕藉,意会心谋,目往神授,乐在声色狗马之上。

【屏:退隐。《后汉书·王充传》:“归乡里居教授”;率:限度;请钥:取出钥匙;坦夷:两个都是平的意思,随意无所谓;耐:通“能”,不能干;辄:总是】

“是欲求适意,而反取憀憟” 是一句很好的话,适用于天下zqsg的追星,本来以为是嫖嫖人家的,结果过度zqsg就gg了。还有一句“甘心老是乡矣”,无所事事的时候真的想这要是一辈子多好

4.23

看到有人引用阿多尼斯的诗,很贴切了:

祖国如何能伟大
凭着琐小的人?

A  little bit more on productivity:

I learned to lower my expectation / plan realistically. For example, I thought reading four (thick, theoretical) papers could be done in 4 hrs with high efficiency. Now I realized that humans (at least me lol) are not machines. I just can’t sit there and stare at the papers and read for 4 hrs straight. Say, if I leave only 4 hrs before the deadline, I’d be super unhappy and stressful about the whole situation. Thus, improving unit-level-efficiency becomes critical; namely, be concentrated and productive in a time unit. Take a rest and continue. I feel like myself being in a better shape these days!

OK, this first point focused on time management. Now I’m gonna talk in a more broadly sense that starting to work can make one feel anxious, want to quit right away or just grab her/his phone. Expect this. You are not gonna be turned in to a different person when starting to work. You will be the old, lazy, unproductive person who are forced to complete work. The goal is to make this whole process happier and less stressful.

Another thing that I’ve thought about this avoiding additional steps in execution. For example, I used to have this habit of pulling out my notebook to write down the TODO list of the day. It always turned out that I paused 10 min before eventually getting my notebook. It typically took another 10 minute for me to grab my pen. Then maybe another 10 min for me to write down stuff — note writing down these doesn’t mean I’d actually do it. So half an hour wasted just because I have all these unnecessary steps. I’m like, why can’t you just write it down on you laptop sticky note? That worked just as well!

===艾老师读诗===

西北有织妇,绮缟何缤纷!明晨秉机杼,日昃不成文。太息终长夜,悲啸入青云。妾身守空闺,良人行从军。自期三年归,今已历九春。飞鸟绕树翔,噭噭鸣索群。愿为南流景,光见我君。

【曹植·杂诗(三)】

【景:光】

忆昔午桥桥上饮,坐中多是豪英。长沟流月去无声。杏花疏影里,吹笛到天明。
二十余年如一梦,此身虽在堪惊。闲登小阁看新晴。古今多少事,渔唱起三更。

【陈与义·临江仙·夜登小阁忆洛中旧游】

感觉可以高唱一曲“再过二十年,我们重相会,伟大的祖国该有多么美!”

===艾老师读random古文:金石录后续===

右金石录三十卷者何?赵侯德父所著书也。取上自三代,下迄五季,钟、鼎、甗、鬲、盘、彝、尊、敦之款识,丰碑、大碣,显人、晦士之事迹,凡见于金石刻者二千卷,皆是正伪谬,去取褒贬,上足以合圣人之道,下足以订史氏之失者,皆载之,可谓多矣。

呜呼,自王播、元载之祸,书画与胡椒无异;长舆、元凯之病,钱癖与传癖何殊。名虽不同,其一也。
【惑:<形使动>使……疑惑;迷惑;蛊惑】

余建中辛巳,始归赵氏。时先君作礼部员外郎,丞相时作吏部侍郎。侯年二十一,在太学作学生。赵、李族寒,素贫俭。每朔望谒告出,衣,取半千钱,步入相国寺,碑文果实归,相对展玩咀嚼,自谓葛天氏之民也。后二年,出仕宦,便有饭蔬衣,穷方绝域,尽天下古文奇字之志。日就月将,渐益堆积。丞相居政府,亲旧或在馆阁,多有亡诗、逸史,鲁壁、汲冢所未见之书,遂力传写,觉有味,不能自已。后或见古今名人书画,一代奇器,亦复脱衣市易。尝记崇宁间,有人持徐熙牡丹图,求钱二十万。当时虽贵家子弟,求二十万钱,岂易得耶。留信宿,计无所出而还之。夫妇相向惋怅者数日。

【质:典当;市:买;遐:远。葛天氏:上古帝王;练:粗帛;遐:《归去来兮辞》:“策扶老以流憩,时矫首而观。”浸:渐渐;信宿:两夜】

4.22

想说我可能真是一个看过程>>>结果的人??想以前看足球的时候,真是点燃了我人生里最狂热的开发热情。记得那时候放春假,我心里的想法是,哇终于有时间可以静下心来好好写代码了!!所有的困难都不会是困难。最后收的一大包一大包的图,最后也就因为内存不够,直接删了。想着反正我也不会再看。就是这么chill的艾老师。还有千辛万苦每天看着tracking等着来的球衣,后来想想反正我也不怎么穿,直接扔了(对的我就是这么吊…)我可能更享受爱本身而不是爱的结果,望周知了。

===艾老师读诗===

五月天山雪,无花只有寒。
笛中闻折柳,春色未曾看。
晓战随金鼓,宵眠抱玉鞍。
愿将腰下剑,直为斩楼兰。

【李白·塞下曲(之一)】

可怜白雪曲,未遇知音人。
恓惶戎旅下,蹉跎淮海滨。
涧树含朝雨,山鸟哢馀春。
我有一瓢酒,可以慰风尘。

【韦应物·简卢陟】网上那些狗尾续貂的可以说可怕。以及我对五言真的是远远多过喜欢七言……

===古代文学:庄辛说楚襄王(楚策)===

夫黄鹄其小者也,蔡灵侯之事因是以。南游乎高陂,北陵乎巫山,饮茹溪之流,食湘波之鱼。左抱幼妾,右拥女,与之驰骋乎高蔡之中,而不以国家为事;不知夫子发方受命乎宣王,系己以朱丝而见之也。

【嬖:宠爱】

蔡灵侯之事其小者也,君王之事因是以。左州侯,右夏侯,辇从鄢陵君与夀陵君,饭封禄之粟,而载方府之金,与之驰骋乎云梦之中,而不以天下国家为事;不知乎穰侯方受命乎秦王,填黾塞之内,而投以乎黾塞之外。

襄王闻之,颜色变作,身体战栗。于是乃以执珪而授之为阳陵君,淮北之地也。

【与:通“举”,攻克】

4.21

本学sai期ji预定的演出全部看完,圆满!撒花!🎉🎉🎉 (终于知道怎么在电脑上直接打emoji了,是contrl+command+space…)柴小协很好听,啊,老柴在我心里的形象已经固定了,是一个审美高超却苍白软弱的gay。也理解了为什么有人觉得他俗,诶这世道好听就是原罪哦。而勃四的第一乐章是我喜欢的。

暑假预定:5/22 Cinderella musical; 6/9 马友友 德沃夏克大提琴协奏曲!已经听了1980年小马的版本,期待岁月有种不动声色的力量~ 7/18 An evening of Brahms; 8/1 四季!

周中真的忙成狗,虽然我也不知道为什么会这么忙,老板在我的米婷上一如既往地做着一个”what are you talking about”的表情,我表示理解,因为我这周research就做了周五早上7点到10点这3个小时。我美其名曰我平时都有在think about it,但是真的就做了这么久。

回首往事的话,我觉得我比两年前肯定进步了,懂的多想的也多,但是还不够。诶,真是太难了。

++更新。我一直觉得奇怪,想我大三的时候,明明在psychology stats上拿了A(而且作业也是自己做的),为什么我说起stats还是一问三不知。我回头看了一下那时候做的作业,那时候t test都是手算的,我的focus都在如何用公式,如何算比较快上面,对概念还是一无所知。所谓learning oriented learning和task oriented learning还是不一样的(好吧这两个词都是我自己想出来的= =)

===艾老师读诗===

赵客缦胡缨,吴钩霜雪明。
银鞍照白马,飒沓如流星。
十步杀一人,千里不留行。
事了拂衣去,深藏身与名。
闲过信陵饮,脱剑膝前横。
将炙啖朱亥,持觞劝侯嬴。
三杯吐然诺,五岳倒为轻。
眼花耳热后,意气素霓生。
救赵挥金锤,邯郸先震惊。
千秋二壮士,烜赫大梁城。
纵死侠骨香,不惭世上英。
谁能书阁下,白首太玄经。

【李白·侠客行】一直以为侠客行写的是荆轲刺秦呢,结果不是,可以说很没文化了……

===古代文学:庄辛说楚襄王(楚策)===

夫雀其小者也,黄鹄因是以。游於江海。乎大沼,俯噣鳝鲤,仰囓菱蘅。奋其六翮,而清风,飘摇乎高翔。自以为无患,与人无争也;不知夫射者,方将脩其碆卢,治其缯缴,将加已乎百仞之上,被礛磻,引微缴,折清风而抎矣。故昼游乎江河,夕调乎鼎鼐。

【淹:停留;凌:驾、乘】

4.18

一个假象:呆在program里我就有还能变好的可能性。但是读了这么多group theory我知道其实没有什么关系的,其实不会变好了。我可能还是差了战胜自我和接受事实的勇气。

4.17

Life is so damn hard. But I can cope.

Think about outcomes first, and then what leads to it.

===

Oh well. It’s not gonna work. When you have anxiety, nothing works.

===

When you really do it, you will find it is just a tiny bit of things. But you just never did it. And it has consequences.

===艾老师读诗===

缺月挂疏桐,漏断人初静。时见幽人独往来,缥缈孤鸿影。
惊起却回头,有恨无人省。拣尽寒枝不肯栖,寂寞沙洲冷。

【苏轼·卜算子·黄州定慧院寓居作】

及尔偕老,老使我怨。淇则有岸,隰则有泮。总角之,言笑晏晏。信誓旦旦,不思其反。反是不思,亦已焉哉!

【国风·卫风·氓(六)】

【宴:快乐; 晏晏:欢乐的样子;旦旦:诚恳的样子;反:违反】

啊,不知道这首诗原来这么忧伤。

===古代文学:庄辛说楚襄王(楚策)===

“夫蜻蛉其小者也,黄雀因是已。俯噣白粒,仰栖茂树,鼓翅奋翼。自以为无患,与人无争也;不知夫公子王孙,左挟弹,右摄丸,将加已乎十仞以上,已其类为招。昼游乎茂树,夕调乎酸醎。倏忽之间,坠于公子之手。

4.16

我妈生日快乐!

I was so done with my bad routine/ unproductivity last week. I tried to reflect why I almost failed to do every single thing that I was supposed to do.

It all traced back to Sunday where I should have read 8 papers and wrote responses, but I ended up watching old TV shows and literally did nothing. Then I had to wake up early in Monday (not really early thou, was on campus at 10) to cram for a readings that I have to get done by then. I was also supposed to present a paper and write a section for a paper that I’m part of on Monday night. At the end of the day, when I felt so tired after having to read a ton in the morning and taking the class, I told myself that I was done for Monday (lol). I again woke up early on Tuesday and tried to work. I decided to skip class for Tues for I thought my presentation was not due till Thurs (and I was right). I planned to use that time for writing but I ended up being very inefficient. I wrote like one paragraph and looked into two or three papers. I didn’t do much on Tuesday night either, with the thoughts that I have nothing due on Wed and that I’ve waken up so early in the morning and therefore tired. That was alright, I told myself, as long as I work harder afterwards. On Wednesday I did a bunch of chores for life in the morning, and went to school in full wing. I planned to spend the entire afternoon working (i.e., I need to present on Thurs). However, the UEFA games were so attractive that they kept me from focusing. And the results were so dramatic that it took me a while to digest. That being said, I eventually started to work a bit a on my presentation late Wed night, realizing that I had to do it. I didn’t finish it till the next morning. I almost missed my alarm — I was supposed to get up at like 5:30 or something but I woke up at 7 with half-baked slides. I managed to finish my slides in the end (it was the first and only thing I really did last week) but my presentation was ironically skipped for the day. What a joke.

The biggest time came on Thursday — at that point I should finish paper writing. I should also prepare my advisor’s meeting on Friday since I already skipped it the week before last. Not to mention that my co-advisor has pointed out that I should spend more time on research. I thought I was gonna give it a try, but I failed in both cases. I barely wrote some paragraphs that unfortunately didn’t make a lot of sense, and that’s it. It turned out that I didn’t do any single research for the week. I went to my advisor and be like, see, I did nothing, and I need help. The conversation went more smoothly than I’d expect. Now I found three strategies that help me boost my productivity:

  1. Goal setting in the beginning of the day. Like literally write them down. Also be realistic and honest about yourself.
  2. Set the boundary between work and relaxing more crisp. Like, when I am really working, I put asides my phone.
  3. Space out the tasks. Like if something is due in two days, start now. Even though looking at the instructions and having a sense of what is out there is helpful.

===艾老师读诗===

君到姑苏见,人家尽枕河。
古宫闲地少,水港小桥多。
夜市卖菱藕,春船载绮罗。
遥知未眠月,乡思在渔歌。

【杜荀鹤·送人游吴】尝试用app更新!

伯兮朅兮,邦之桀兮。伯也执殳,为王前驱。
自伯之东,首如飞蓬。岂无膏沐,谁适为容?
其雨其雨,杲杲出日。愿言思伯,甘心首疾。
焉得谖草,言树之背。愿言思伯,使我心痗。

【国风·卫风·伯兮】

===古代文学:庄辛说楚襄王(楚策)===

王独不见夫蜻蛉乎?六足四翼,飞翔乎天地之间,啄蚊虻而食之,仰承甘露而饮之。自以为无患,与人无争也;不知夫五尺童子,方将调饴胶丝,加己乎四仞之上[6],而下为蝼蚁食也。

【俛:通“俯”】